Lesner Can't Even Save Hell In A Cell...

                                                    


So, the WWE rumor-mill has a possible Brock Lesner return for this Sunday's Hell In a Cell, to help CM Punk retain his championship against the intimidating Ryback. Sure, this sounds like an exciting surprise to an overall lack-luster card...but it makes no sense.

Okay, Punk being a "Paul Heyman Guy" aligns him ith the other Heyman guy, Lesner. And a Lesner-Ryback match-up seems a bit intriguing, even though Ryback's too fast rise to the top of the WWE heap troubles me. I mean, this is Brock Lesner. And he is coming back for Ryback? And coming back for Ryback so he can make sure CM Punk retains the WWE title? Why would he want anyone to have the title besides himself?

With that said, and even though it is a lame segway, I feel certain this will happen. Why? Because the Hell in a Cell card is not worth the PPV price tag. Hell, it's not even Monday Night Raw worthy. Let's break this down match by match...

1) Randy Orton Vs Alberto Del Rio...Why is Del Rio still relevant...or better yet when will the WWE realize he is not. This is a Smackdown match at best.

2) Kofi Kingston Vs. The Miz... Okay, I love Kingston as much as the next person, and it about time the WWE gives this talent his due....but The Miz? I'd much rather see Dolph Ziggler and Kingston....but, since Ziggler does little else but hold on to that Money in the Bank briefcase these days, I can see why this feud hasn't made it to the forefront.

3) Team Hell No vs Rhodes Scholars. The team of Bryan/Kane is a much-needed comedy relief to the current, very long-winded three hour Raw episodes...and have the talent to back it up. Daniel Bryan impresses me more and more. The skill level of Hell No should make this no-brainer, but the WWE has to pretend that Sandow and Rhodes are compatible. (and besides the pathetic Prime Time Players seem to be the only other "heel" team around to face the crowd-loving Hell No team- and no one needed to see that)

4) Shaemus Vs Big Show...This feud was pulled out of thin air, and just reads forced every week we have to swallow it. Big Show just doesn't cut it as the heel anymore. Shaemus should win this one, and retain his title...it is really not a match people really seem to care about...and that is a big problem at the end of the PPV day.

Finally, the big one....CM Punk Vs. Ryback...which, I already covered...Lesner's return to spoil this match and set up a more fitting feud between himself and Ryback (yet giving up any belt hopes) will be how Punk keeps this title. Because there is no way Ryback should hold it.

So, is a possible Lesner's rumored return enough to help people want to buy into to this mess of a card? Not for me...but definitely enough for me to tune into the recently very-boring Monday Night Raw the next night.

When the commercials are more entertaining than the show...

Yep, I find it happening more and more. And, the thing is, the hilarity is completely unintentional! I'm not talking about the "Where's The Beef", "I Love You Man"- type commercials that make admen break their arms patting themselves on the back. No, that would be too damned easy. And believe my husband, I would never make anything easy.

My fascination began with the macabre pharmaceutical commercials. The cure-alls, that then rattle off a laundry list of potential side-effects from sleeplessness to loss of sexual function to thoughts of suicidal behavior, to possibly making you streak naked and run through your neighborhood with a mega-phone shouting, "I am a Golden God!". Okay, I made the last one up, but is it really that far-fetched? The kicker is the always somber voice-over that instructs the gullible viewer to ask you doctor about whatever Pfizer is selling this week. I may be old-fashioned, but isn't it your doctor's job to figure out what medicines you should be prescribed. Silly me...I thought just the rich had the privilege to request prescriptions.

Now, I move on to the dating site commercials that cushion the two-minute plus breaks between my beloved court shows. You know, like the one where black people meet. My all time favorite is by far the Christian dating site commercial which promises to let God chose a mate for you. Good grief. Really? Okay, let's just for a minute say I believe in religion...Would I seriously buy into the theory that God is signing off on the Christian dating site? If you believe that, you may have been hitting a wee too much of the church wine.

I swear, you can't make this shit up...

RAW = YAWn

                                          

So, the WWE is concerned over the dismal ratings it has received the past couple of weeks. Well, they should be, but, are they really surprised? I had my finger on the fast forward button through about 85% of the show, and let me tell you I was damned grateful for DVR at the time.

What the hell are they doing to CM PUNK? He is even looks bored with the routine at this point. Ever since Heyman came around, this storyline has plummeted. Punk doesn't need a mouthpiece. He's one of the best on-mike talents in the WWE, and has been for some time. I get they needed Heyman to really cement the fact Punk was a heel, but at this point it's like they are force-feeding a toddler spinach. The WWE fans aren't complete morons. Punk, alone, against the WWE  made a more compelling storyline. This is predictably going to end with Ryback kicking Punk's ass...who knows how long that will take. And I'm really not that excited to tune in to find out.

Big Show? Um, what happened to that feud with CM Punk and Cena. All of a sudden, it's Sheamus and Big Show. Yawn. The WWE did a superb job of killing Big Show's fan base. He was much more effective as a good guy. I get it, the WWE is trying to mix things up, trying to get some drama going to make up for the lack of talent and charisma in the locker room. But, let's face it. It just isn't working.

So, what to do? Most likely, bring back a past Super Star. Or pull some aces from their back pocket storage, names like Triple H (but that probably won't happen til closer to Wrestlemania time), The Rock (Royal Rumble Time!), Brock Lesnar (I see this guy going against Ryback)...and maybe the return of Batista, who can eventually also face Lesnar. I've mentioned this before, but I'll say it again just for good measure. Please WWE, get Jeff Hardy back when his TNA contract runs out. Pretty please with sugar on top...We'll call it the return of the ratings, as well as a great super star.

Possible Opponents for CM PUNK?

Okay, I just read The Bleacher Report's article on possible opponents for CM PUNK at Hell In a Cell because John Cena, the WWE's seemingly only go-to title shot contender, is hurt. I would list the writer's name, but to tell you the truth I'm too embarassed of his picks to do that.

The only credible one on the list of 5 is Big Show. Why not? Before disappearing off the face of the WWE universe about a month or so ago, he was a huge contender (no pun intended), and in a major beef with both Punk and Cena. Why not give the big man a shot? His time is ticking.

Now to the other ridiculous options: (going from the yawn to the ludacris):

1. Rey Mysterio....Really? Now, I know he's a kid-pleaser and a main "good guy", but seriously? That's is like a third card match on any Monday Night Raw. Thinking of it puts me in a dream-like trance. Yawn.

2. Alberto Del Rio....I just don't know how this guy is continuously considered a top contender. His schtick is old, and quite frankly annoying. His skills are adequate, but he is no show-stopper. To me, Del Rio just isn't main event material. I just have to convince this to Vince McMahon.

3. Triple H....WTF? At this point in the article I was sure the writer may have been deep into a bowl of really intense weed. The Paul Heyman line of reasoning is ridiculous. Maybe the whole Brett Hart/ Cena/ Punk failed on-mike showdown where the WWE couldn't stop force-feeding us the parallels between the Hart/Shawn Micheals and Cena/Punk rivalry. Which would maybe bring in HHH to finally settle the King of Kings is better than HBK debate by defeating the new HBK in Punk because we all know the real HBK isn't coming back anytime soon. Yes, a huge stretch, like lycra over a fat lady's thighs.

4. The Undertaker????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Doesn't this guy realize the WWE has to reserve this guy for Wrestlemania? What the hell kind of feud could possibly be construed to get these guys in a match? A very lame and far-fetched one indeed.


Putting so much faith in Cena year after year has proven to be risky for the WWE. Until now, he always seemed to be up for the task. Time to start putting more eggs in the squared-circle basket.
So, who would I say is the best contender? Seeing The rock is being saved for The Royal Rumble....I would have to say.....

-  Sheamus...why not? Title versus title, that and Punk's bowing out of the match on Labor Day just adds feul to the fire. I think this would be a very worthy top-notch Hell In a Cell Match....and believable. At this point, the WWE really has little or no other option....well, one that doesn't suck, I mean. *cough* Del Rio *cough*....

If we only had Jeff Hardy back....now, him and Punk would be a damned great match....I know, I'm dreaming (though not for much longer- Hardy's TNA contract is up soon!)....and best of all, I'm not yawning!

The Rush To Make CM Punk So Ruthless....

UGH...CM Punk poised a good guy could only last for so long, I suppose. How else could he go into a title match at Night of Champions against WWE's golden boy, John Cena? You can't have good against good, it just doesn't happen. Not unless it's an icon match like Triple H Vs. The Undertaker. Let's face it, this match is not that.

Just as Punk's fan popularity steadily began to rise, the WWE decides to make him a heel again. The whole beating up Jerry Lawler thing just bears too much resemblance to the Jack Swagger/ Michael Cole thing last year. Originality people, please. Why oh why would we sink to bullying an over-the -hill announcer, again? It feels so wrong especially amidst the anti-bullying campaign featuring the WWE superstars during every match break. But then WWE is trying to quickly prove how bad CM Punk is...

At this rate, I fear the worst. A Cena victory at Night of Champions, which will lead to a rematch between Cena and The Rock at the Royal Rumble. Double yawn. I really wanted The Rock to take some time from his busy Hollywood schedule to start something with CM Punk, maybe more than via satellite. You can't hold the belt via satellite, Dwayne. Just pointing that out to all those Rock fans. (PS...He's never coming back full time. Why? His acting career is too lucrative, and all without the physical pain that goes along with wrestling full-time in the WWE. If anyone, he knows how it feels.) After Raw's 1000th episode when Punk put The Rock to sleep, the silence has been stunning. Or is this just a way for the The Rock to interfere with Punk and Cena's match. The WWE never leaves a storyline unturned. So, hopefully after The Rock is done filming or promoting his next film, he'll get back to this feud with Punk, not Cena.

Just a final note to all The Rock fans....aren't you all just a little appalled that a part-timer wants to hold the title? Just asking.... I'd take a heel CM Punk over The Rock any day.

Stone Cold's Return: a Little Too Much, A Little Too Late

So after many years of fan's anticipation, the WWE is toying with the idea of bringing back Stone Cold Steve Austin. Really? Now? And not until 2014...what? Steve, just in case you didn't know, you are not getting any younger. Will he be chugging beers or prune juice? I love Stone Cold, don't get me wrong, and would have loved to have seen him come back a few years ago...yes, a few years ago, not now. But, I understand with the WWE's lack of charisma in the current roster they rely on comebacks to keep the fan's interest.

So why bring back the the over-the-hill superstar?  After mulling this over in my mind, a few of opponents come to mind. The Rock, two part-time past superstars come to collide on Austin's last fight. Yep, I don't see Austin sticking around more than a year. There will be one feud.   Which leads me to believe in the more possible Wrestlemania match with The Undertaker. If this happens it means my prediction that Wrestlemania 29 will be Undertaker's last will be wrong. Yes, he will come back to take on Austin for 30, and then wrap it up. The Streak should never be broken, let The Phenom go out in style, please. Which again, leaves me scratching my head exactly why Austin would return to lose....My last prediction is Lesnar, which by no means would believably lose to Stone Cold, not now. Maybe back in the day when Austin was in his prime...but no, not now.

So, I am rolling with The Phenom Vs. Stone Cold in Wrestlemania 30. Gimme me a hell yeah...and then let's put these fellows on the shelf. It's time to get the current roster a chance to be better on the mike and stop relying on the past.

Triple H Retire? No way...

The hype and speculation since Triple H's loss to Brock Lesnar at Summer Slam all points to retirement. The WWE superstar's Twitter feeds, the appearance by a very aged Shawn Micheals on Raw last week, the ringside comments by Micheal Cole and Jerry Lawler all try to hold the WWE fan's hand and pull them to the conclusion that The Game will finally call it quits and retire. Why not? He is a part-timer now, and holds a big corporate position. His giant loss at the hands of The Beast pretty much sealed his exit. I thought the End of An Era match between HHH and The Undertaker would have been a better way to exit. Which is exactly why The Game is still in it.

 

 

The retirement nonsense is going to play out in a storyline, most likely with the Game being angry at "his best friend" for even mentioning such a thing. Last year, I would have went for a Shawn Micheals/ HHH match. Now, after seeing an out of shape Micheals limping to the ring at every appearance, I don't think that would be such a good idea. Shawn, please stay out of the ring and let the fans remember your greatness. If Shawn were to continue with brief backstage or ringside appearances, I would be more than happy. Micheals is hysterical, and his presence is always appreciated. With that said, I in no way shape or form want HHH and Shawn Micheals to get in the ring together to prove who really is the best of the two. It makes no sense, since Lesnar could beat them both. And the way Micheals cowered from Brock at the recent Raw appearances, maybe Lesnar could take them on both at once.

 

So, what does the future hold for the Game? I see him calling out Lesnar eventually, all leading up to a rematch at Wrestlemania. Lesnar's contract is up, which opens the door for Triple H to prevail and regain his position  in the WWE as The King of Kings, and then retire. He must beat The Beast, simple as that.

 

 

Now, if that were true, then The Undertaker versus Brock Lesnar would not happen at Wrestlemania. Which is okay with me. So who will The Undertaker face at Wrestlemania? John Cena would be a good match, but with him all tied up with CM Punk, I'm not sure that will happen. The Rock? Nah, he's after the title. Hmmm...so what other name is big enough to try to break the streak? None... So, I am reneging and saying Punk will face The Rock for the championship, leaving John Cena to face The Phenom.